Genis shared these thoughts in his diary on October 28, 2014 and I thought we should publish it in this blog, as the topic is still very relevant in our daily life. Genis makes a point of doing a ‘pit stop’ to deliver his parcel even when we go for a very short walk.
Humans can be so gross and they have no respect for the privacy of a Dog.
They endlessly and vigorously discuss my most intimate bodily functions with any willing audience, paying no attention to the fact that I am within earshot, not deaf and not stupid either.
The conversation usually starts out with the remark, usually by a neighbour or friendly acquaintance, that “Genis is really looking good these days”. No further probing or encouragement is needed, my Humans will immediately launch into a discussion of my diet and exercise program, how much weight I’ve lost over the past months, how much my health has improved, how energetic and playful I am these days, blah, blah and blah.
I must admit that this part of the discussion is quite to my liking. But, BUT … I just know this will not be the end, there is always more to come. Now, remember that this conversation, without fail, takes place in very public spaces, like for instances, the parking lot at the mall, the veterinarian’s offices, the little public park where we go for our daily walkies, the doggie swimming pool, or, right there on the pavement outside our home. So, at this point I get a little agitated by what I know will follow – a detailed discussion of my digestive system and waterworks.
First of all there is the comprehensive list of the diet food, vegetables and clean water that I consume every day. This includes a whole list of the foodstuffs that I am NOT allowed to have, including the coffee with milk and sugar that I used to love so much.
Then follows the complete list of the output of same consumables, divided into the sub-categories of:
PEE. Much better control over the bladder, you know, which means less time and energy spent on cleaning and sterilising those white kitchen floor tiles. And I so much loved to see Evil Human on her knees, sweating and swearing every morning. I still do have the odd little mishap and get scolded for it, but at least I am now able to sleep late without that urgent pressure waking me up. I am not allowed a doggie door, as those pesky feral cats use it to come visiting during the night … and a self-respecting dog cannot lift a leg on a newspaper?
FARTS. Unfortunately I must admit that, in the past, I used to have outbursts of intestinal gas of a magnitude that made it impossible for Humans and Dogs to breath. That is, thankfully, something of the past, because I swear … every time this happened Evil Human’s eyes emitted a red glow, like lava waiting to flow over. This scared the living daylights out of me. Eventually I was banned from the family lounge and the bedroom. Now that I’m as sweet smelling as a rose, I am back in favour and have claimed my rightful place on the sofa and the bed. Funny thing though, every now and then there is still a nasty little smell hanging around, nothing to do with me. When this happens, all heads swivel in Evil Human’s direction and the family members stifle a little giggle. Wonder what that is all about?
POOP. This is a popular topic of conversation. For some reason I always develop the urgent need to do a number two whenever we go for walkies. My Humans carry a doggie poop scoop or baggy and a soft, fluffy wet wipe wherever they go, to make sure that no traces of my little “accidents” remain. Apparently the diet food has made life SO much easier for them, because of the less odious smell, firm consistency, colour and regularity of my outputs. The aforementioned are all promoted as signs of good health. Then of course, Evil Human can never resist delivering a sermon to other dog owners about hygiene and the necessity of picking up after one’s dog.
To summarise, dieting is making me lose weight, centimetres and bad smells. Makes for a good combination doesn’t it?