Friends, Romans, bloggers, countrymen, lend me you ears. In my dire moment of need I appeal to you to stand up for my rights. You will remember that in my previous blog Flipping the bird I told you about that rude, arrogant plover that attacks me every single time that I put my paw on the beach. Well, to my real shame, I must admit: That Bird has turned This Dog into a quivering, spineless jellyfish.
There is more than one way to get to the beach from our complex, but this-a-way (notwithstanding the fact that it is the shortest path to the beach), is not-a-way that I want to go. I know very well what dangers to expect if I go there. This is the point at which I turn around and go back that-a-way, up our driveway and to the safety of our apartment.
Today I got away with this – my mom drove me all the way to the tidal pool in Mtwalume for my daily swim, but she says I will have to learn to cope with That Bird eventually. But how? That Bird is protected by law and I’m not even permitted to hurt it a little, even if I could get hold of it.
So, I came up with a plan: maybe I can ask my Ouboet to give That Bird just one Lekker Vet Snotklap to teach it a lesson, once and for all. Let me translate this Afrikaans expression –
Lekker = nice or pleasant or enjoyable, but those words are so … vanilla, lame actually. Lekker expresses exuberant, unbridled, uninhibited enjoyment of a situation.
Vet = fat, plump, heavy, but in conjunction with “lekker” it amounts to a massive, ponderous, unconstrained action.
Snotklap = (according to the Urban Dictionary) means “to administer a hard open-handed slap sufficient that it causes mucus that was formerly inside the recipient to come out rapidly”.
So, there you have it. A Lekker Vet Snotklap.
Mom says that is not the way that educated, well-bred people behave. Well, first of all, I’m not a people; secondly I’m a crossbreed and thirdly, if anything is the matter with my behaviour, the blame for my lack of education must be laid at the feet of the parental unit. Not so?
Mom says that argument does not hold water – I can ask anyone who is anybody and they will tell me the same story. Not so, I say, I will ask my friends to vote on the matter and the outcome will be proof that any pet with self respect will opt for the Lekker Vet Snotklap solution in the same situation.
PLEASEVOTEFORME! PLEASEDON’TDROPME! Do it! Now! In this block below MAKE YOUR CHOICE AND PRESS THE “VOTE” BUTTON. If you choose “Other” please comment at the bottom of the voting block and propose another solution.
Let us settle this argument once and for all.
easyweimaraner said:
that leeker vet snotklap sounds great! … you also can scream at that bird like banshee… then it gets a sudden hearing loss and it will waddle away… and the best is you leave no pawprints that way… so no one can blame you :o) and vet really means really fat&plump?… bawhahahaha I think I will burst with laughter when I see my VET next time
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Genis LeyNel said:
haha especially if the vet is a bit on the heavy side?
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easyweimaraner said:
he absolutely is… it’s a parody when HE says I need a die-t…
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Genis LeyNel said:
haha, I can imagine
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maxwellthedog said:
You may think that’s funny but it’s snot.
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Genis LeyNel said:
It’s not … or do you really think it’s snot 😀
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maxwellthedog said:
It’s snot.
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perdebytjie said:
Especially if the bird has a bit of a cold,the snotklap can get a wee bit messy.Maybe you should make another plan.
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Genis LeyNel said:
Eeeew, that would be so gross
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noodle4president said:
You have my full support! Knock the snot out of him!
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Genis LeyNel said:
attaboy! I need more friends like you.
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Lily Lau said:
Hahaha, love the descriptions! Especially of that bad vet 😉
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Genis LeyNel said:
Thank you for the compliment and for visiting my blog
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dayphoto said:
I hate birds like that…really I do. I run and hide. Fuzzy would snap at them and try to get them.
Boomer
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
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boomerbob said:
For someone with almost no protection in the form of hair, those little brats sound pretty painful 🙂
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Genis LeyNel said:
Yes they get very aggressive and we are very careful around them. They will get used to us eventually.
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